S trange how they say everything happens for a reason... Fate, serendipity, destiny, karma and all other complexities that the Supreme ruler of the celestial bodies has set in place to confuse us humans or maybe capture us in a web of submission, has started to haunt me.
You may begin to wonder why all of a sudden I'm so philosophical but to be honest , I have always been like this. It just took a loss to bring out this side of me. Gladly it was not loss of life but something quite close. A lot of people wondered what my life would be without my Samsung Galaxy Note 8.0, I wondered too but surprisingly I've handled the loss quite well.
Who would have known that the so called "Lover's Day" would take something so dear from me. I will spare you this sad epistle and start the narrative that got me to this point. Like many great writers it has taken a loss to jolt me out of the dreamland I was so getting comfortable in and challenge the ingenuity of my writing skills so-many people had implored me to explore.
Now straight to what led to all these... A little fiction would be added to make this narrative a little juicy, but I promise most of it is true. You should enjoy the challenge of trying to figure out what and what not is false.
The much anticipated February 14th had finally arrived. Many lovers in the world had great plans set aside to spoil their partners silly, of course that means they had the funds. Unfortunately for me I did not have the funds and I had an extraordinarily beautiful lady as a spouse. I was at the mercy of Providence. The day before, I did not have a kobo (Kobo is the equivalent of the American Cents and the English Pence of Penny), the saying "I don't have a Kobo" is used to express extreme 'church-ratty' brokenness. In fact I walked a couple kilometers that day, hoping that a miracle would happen and Manna would fall from heaven. Nothing fell from heaven on that day, not even rain to cool the very hot weather.
On the morning of Friday the 13th, a very bored and broke me decided to comfort myself with cool music from the radio. I also knew that the beat 97.9FM would be giving out some goodies. I did not know what exactly it was going to be, only time would tell and I had a lot of time. I turned on the radio app on my phone and as usual, it was already tuned to 97.9FM. I was fortunate to still catch up with the sport update and then the news followed immediately after. A lot was happening in the country and around the world but I didn't give a fuck! "So far it was not putting money in my pocket, why should I care?" was my frame of mind at the time. My mind was set on the prizes I could possibly win. I grew very anxious at every passing moment. The soothing voice of Wale one of my favorite OAPs, became quite annoying, and what I usually found interesting and real about it, became irritating! The rather dull intern was not making matters any better. But like a predator stalking its prey I paid attention, I picked up every single word not wanting to miss out on a thing knowing fully well that questions could be asked on topics discussed.
The top 10 Naija chart show had begun and still no sign of giveaways. I was beginning to get apprehensive. "Are you fucking kidding me?" was all that I kept muttering like a mantra my life desperately depended upon. As if it was a silent prayer that the Heavens were listening to, at the end of the second song into the chart, Wale rose to the occasion and announced that there was a chance to win a 7000 naira, Agodi Garden, couples package voucher! Oh my Goodness!!! This was my chance to spoil my girlfriend, it could ease the tension in our relationship.
You see, before I continue with my story, you have to understand what my relationship was/is like. I'm dating a girl that I'm ten years older than. She's about my youngest sister's age mate and although I should be ashamed, I am not. This girl looks so matured, though does not act so matured, but cut her some slack, she is just 17, and she's handling herself pretty well. We do not get to do a lot of things because of her age, I think it would even be illegal to kiss her, if I were in the States, because she would still be considered a 'minor'. To cut the long story short, I was dating a much younger girl, and I was in love with her. Like many relationships with this kind of gap, there was a lot of ups and downs, ranging from communication problems, to issues spewing from my past, to someone getting jealous and shit like that. In fact, prior to this period we were on a verge of a breakup. Now you would understand why I desperately needed to please her, on Valentine's Day.
Now back to my story. The prize was announced and prospective participants were expected to write a short love note, to their significant-other, and attach a photo of the couple. On the note that left the most compelling 'awwwwww' effect, on the OAP would win these prizes. This was piece of cake to me. If I could write love notes for a living, I would probably be a millionaire as we speak but then, Nigerians are not that romantic, so I stay broke as a church rat.
I wrote my note and attached a couple of pictures of me and Oyinkan. Yes that is her name, I know it's as sweet as honey and she could be very sweet too, when she wants to be. It was a very long wait till the announcement of the winner. First they had to finish the chart show and wait for the rather loquacious Vickie, to come into the studio and then engaged in an argument on how it was unfair to exempt singles from playing. Finally, they got down to reading various tweets and like I said, Nigerians are not so romantic. From what was being read, I was so sure, I was going to win, the only problem was, my tweet had already been skipped, and didn't look like it was going to be read. I began to panic, my usually dry palms, suddenly became very sweaty and I became very agitated. I went over the tweet again to see if I did not fulfill the requirements like putting the hashtags and all. There was nothing wrong with the tweet except that my 'short note' was a screenshot , because it could not be shortened to the 140 characters, required by twitter. Just as I was about to tweet at the station's twitter handle, Wale Ozolua, made my day for the second time. My tweet was read out and melted all their heart. The iron-lady Vickie, was mushy all of a sudden. I had one hand on the prize and I was very excited. My heartbeat was scarily fast , and it seemed like my pancreas or whatever is responsible for secreting adrenaline hormones, had given me an overdose.
The winner was finally announced, and it was a unanimous decision. My love note, was by far the best, and I was so proud of myself. Now I had to figure out, how to get to the beat FM, at Osuntokun with just 20 naira.
Now I’m sure you're wondering why a broke boy, like me, should be in a relationship, but really I work very hard. I make some money here and there but I spend a lot too. It's very sad, my spending habit, I mean. That is something that torments me all the time. The truth is I was doing a couple of branding/rebranding work, for some establishments and was due to be paid that Friday. If everything had gone well, I would have had about 30k to lavish on my girlfriend, on Val's day, and trust me, I wouldn't have bated an eyelid spending every single dime. Unfortunately, God had other plans, and I'm still trying to figure out how that was in my favour.
On the morning of this fateful day, I received a call from one of my 'debtors', saying he would be on campus to inspect work on the gym he had just sprung up in my hall of residence. I was supposed to handle logistics and I was hoping he would at least pay some of the money, he owed me, but this was not the case. After going to book for mirrors for the gym he dropped me off at the Beat studio, where I was to retrieve my prize at least that was one of my problems solved. Now I was faced with how to move around and return back to school but as an optimist that I am, I rationalised that everything would be fine, and did not bring up my money issues with my client, hoping he would use his initiative. He probably thought I was doing a pro bono or community service or maybe, he thought he was playing a fast one on me, like a Nigerian, he truly is.
I alighted from the air-conditioned car, into the scorching rage of the February sun. It was as though the sun was jealous of me winning a prize and had vindictive intentions of making me suffer. With a benefit of hindsight, it seemed like I ignored every sign from heaven that I should not have marked Valentine's Day, at least, if it was not with the person that really occupied my mind all morning. Yeah that’s true, someone else was on my mind other than my girlfriend. Someone I just reunited with over the phone and had already warmed my heart. This is something girls have found hard to understand about us men, the paradoxical nature of our heart. I myself, find it quite hard to understand, how two girls can find space in one's heart. I always comforted myself, by rationalizing that I have a big heart, and it's a good attribute, but I know I deceive no one but myself. Well, this girl called Rebecca or Becka for short, was quickly warming my heart, and seizing full control of it, hence chasing Oyinkan was out of it.
Let me tell you about Becka… Rebecca Okuneye, is one very lovely girl, I met at the movies during the premiere of Half of a Yellow Sun. At the time I met her, she was not strikingly beautiful like in a supermodel kind of way, but she had an innocent, young, vulnerable kind of beauty that appealed to me. Dressed quite simply, she did not look fake or plastic like most girls, I was unfortunate to encounter rather too frequently at the time. She had a very sweet, reassuring smile that had a soothing or more like comforting effect. Quick to laugh with a good sense of humor, I found her quite interesting to talk with. We also shared a great passion, for the 'Adichie' literatures and that further sparked my already increasing interest in her.
On that day, sometime in 2014 the much anticipated Half of a Yellow Sun, was finally released to the cinemas, after a lot of controversy. As expected, it drew a lot of crowd and the usually empty cinema was packed full, with all sorts of people. The tickets finished in record time, and I found myself hanging around, for the next viewing time, silently cursing why I didn’t come with a date, it was going to be a long boring wait, so I decided to hit the bar for a couple of shots. I had just discovered one lovely drink at the time called Magic Moments, and trust me, I always had a magic moment whenever I took it. I ordered for the medium bottle of it on the rocks, whilst I waited for the movie and fed my eyes with beautiful ladies that passed by. On a normal day, I would have approached someone for company, but I felt like being alone. Half way through my drink, it dawned on me that I had not bought my movie ticket, so I rushed out after settling my bill. There was a crowd at the ticket counter and it was another wait, until it finally got to my turn, and I was told, I was fortunate, to buy the last ticket and the movie was screening already. I thanked the sweet lady behind the counter and rushed into the theatre to secure a seat abandoning my drink at the bar. When I got into the theatre, I was shocked at the sea of heads that I saw. I scanned around for available seats but everywhere seemed to have been taken, I was getting furious and was going to stomp out and lambast the 'sweet' lady that sold me the ticket. On my way out I spotted a beautiful girl and what appeared to be an empty seat reserved for someone. I was making a silent prayer under my alcoholic breathe, that the space was not already taken. As I approached the lovely girl, I flashed her my most charming smile and politely asked, if the seat next to her was occupied, she equally responded with a radiant smile, showing off her adorable dentals and told me that the seat was unoccupied. I settled in immediately, and realized, that I had not gotten myself any refreshments, and she also had only a bottle of drink. I excused myself, and rushed out to get a large bucket of popcorn and a bottle of drink. When I got back, the movie had already begun and she was affixed to the screen. I settled into my seat for the last time before the movie ended and offered to share my popcorn with her which she politely declined. I had anticipated that because she is a lady and it was a proper thing for a lady to do, so I urged her to take some. I found myself saying “you better have some before I finish it” and she had a sense of humor, because she laughed and said she was going to join me soon.
I turned my attention to the movie and it was in the scene where the twins met with honorable minister at the Nzobias’ dining table and I found myself, wondering if Becka looked like Kainene or her twin sister. There was just a sexiness that oozed out of her that distracted me and I didn’t just want to stop talking with her and I was becoming verbose, or more like garrulous. I got the cue to stop talking when she turned her attention back squarely to the movie, and apt concentration. Things became very tensed and emotional in the movie, and because I could not take my eyes off her, I noticed tears welling up in her eyes. I pulled her close to me, and she rested her head against my warm body, while I stroked her hair, I felt closer to her like I’ve known her all my life and this feeling later repeated in an identical form, when we later ‘reunited’. I had a very strong urge to kiss her, but I did not want to give her a wrong impression about me, and I felt she was underage until she told me she told me her real age very recently. Even though she looked younger, I could not deny the sexual tension that electrified the air around us. I was so ashamed of myself that I simply disappeared after the movie. I did not want to start what I could not finish with this ‘innocent’ girl, little did I know that the saying never judge a book by its cover, would be very applicable here. After several minutes of arguments in my mind, I decided to go to her to get her contact. After a little chit chat and introducing myself, to her rather young looking brother, that I assumed to be her elder brother, I found out, that she was doing her Advanced levels and got her number.
I did not call her for another one week, even though I kept thinking about her occasionally. Little did I know, that the girl I was spending time with and did not make me follow up with her was a sworn enemy of hers, small world, this world is, you would say. Who would have known, that Rebecca knew the troublesome and lousy but very beautiful Christiana? Maybe I should have figured it out, since they were both doing their A ‘Levels at the same school, but it never really occurred to me. The funny thing is that I met Christiana on Valentine’s Day last year. I should really call her but then, my phone has been stolen.
I finally texted Becka on Thursday 12th of February and we picked off from where we stopped. I apologized, for not keeping in touch, and explained to her, that I called her but she did not seem to remember me, when I introduced myself. She apologized for that and I really wanted to hear her voice again. Though I had her number but that was just her Whatsapp number, and it was a good thing I decided to text her first and not call, otherwise I would have been discouraged if her number was switched off, like I was prompted, when I dialled during our conversation. She later sent her functioning number, after a little delay, as if she deliberately was bracing herself to receive my very sexy voice. Her voice sounded very sweet and soothing over the phone. Like caramel and honey with walnut sprinkled over it, is the fairest description I can possibly give to it. It was clear yet husky. Smooth yet coarse. It turned me on and gave me an erection, I immediately longed for her. I had picturesque images of what I wanted to do to her. How I wanted to kiss those sumptuous lips of hers that uttered those sweet compliments she spoiled me with. How I wanted to leave a trail of blazing passion, as I traced down her lovely neckline features with my lustful lips. How I wanted to cup her small but firms breasts and tease those inverted nipples with my hungry tongue, nip and bite on them softly, as my long fingers explore her slim frame to her already wet womanhood. Very bad things, I wanted to do to her, but I comported myself and tried to hide my lust from my voice. We had a normal conversation and like an average Nigerian lady she found it hard to accept compliments. I teased her about this and we had a good laugh about it. Now you would understand why she occupied my mind on Valentine’s Day. This was the kind of fun person I wanted to spend my day with, not someone that did not even see the beauty of Valentine’s Day, as a day dimming love can be rekindled. If Rebecca was in Ibadan, I probably would have spent the day with her and not ‘stress’ my girlfriend. I needed Becka’s crazy so desperately. I would admit that she was not as fine and nowhere near being as curvy as Oyinkan, but I needed her. There was the pure white passion that burnt my skin, when I thought about those lips of hers gently massaging my fully erected penis. To cut the bullshit, I really wanted to fuck her. A pure raw steamy animalistic kind of sex, that drains every ounce of strength from us. To be honest I didn’t just feel a sex attraction towards her, I was beginning to like her really too quickly that it was scary.
Now back to that fateful day. Oh sorry before I get there let me tell you about a miracle that happened on Friday the 13th. It is often believed that Friday the 13th was a cursed day doomed with a lot of mischief and bad luck. Some claim, that this superstition dates back to the Middle Ages, originating from the story of Jesus’ last supper and crucifixion. According to prof. Phillips Stevens Jr. “There were 13 people at the table at the last supper and the 13th was Jesus. The last supper was on a Thursday, and the next day was Friday, the day of crucifixion. When ‘13’ and Friday come together, it is a double whammy” he claimed. Remember how I told you I was expecting some money on that day, well the 13th decided to postpone my punishment and be nice. Just when I was thinking of what next to do after leaving the radio studio half disappointed, I received a message. I have the habit of not reading text messages, because most of the time they are usually spam messages, from those stupid service providers. This time I decided to check who the message was from, to my outmost surprise it was a message from access bank plc. I was excited! I was too excited to read the content of the message, that I took a bike to the nearest ATM which was Zenith bank a trekking distance from where I was. I inserted my card in the machine and observed all protocols, then inquired for my account balance. I realized that 100 bucks had been deducted from my account and not payment had been made into my account. All the excited was immediately drained, and nervousness replaced that happy-go-lucky feeling,I felt. I looked back at the okada man as they are popularly referred to, and he still had that fixed smile on his face, maybe because he too was excited that he had met a maga. I didn’t blame him because he charged me double what I would have paid on a normal day, and I didn’t bargain because I was so excited. Just as I was contemplating what lie to tell the okada rider, I received another text from access bank. This time I opened the content of the message, not expecting much, but to my surprise, I saw that my account had been credited with 40,000 naira. I was so elated that I unconsciously let out an excited yelp like a dog, that had just been flashed a big tantalizing bone by its owner. I returned to the bike guy and flashed him a thousand naira note, like a boss. His smile disappeared immediately, it was as though I handed him his HIV test result. He began to protest, and I shut him up at once telling him to take me to Awolowo Avenue, where I had unfinished business. He was delighted, I had never seen anyone that excited in my almost three decade of existence. We got to Awolowo and it was straight to business with me. The 40,000 naira,was enough motivation for me to go hard on anyone that stood in the way of making another big buck.
The day went by quite fast, at least in my own opinion. I’m sure some people are opined quite differently but they didn’t have a loose forty thousand lying in their account, unexpectedly or probably have far more and are indifferent already. As I began to wonder where next I should head to, I remembered I still had a couples’ package to retrieve at the beat studio. I headed back there and I met Fortune! Yeah it is a big deal, Fortune had risen so quickly enough to capture my attention. The only person to surpass this record was the mystique Daddy Yinks! I realized after a few minutes of conversation that we shared a lot in common, asides for the extremely contradicting physical features we had. Fortune has an ideal man physique, more like a God. I had always pictured Zeus to have this kind of stature. We found ourselves speaking for hours on topics ranging from entrepreneurship to movies to politics to fitness, and strangely we had similar ideologies. I was excited for the first time in a while on meeting a fellow male. Most guys I have met quite recently, had a very shallow reasoning and were all about the mundane things. At the end of the day, I achieved more chatting with fortune than I had the whole week.
Fast forward to Valentine’s Day, because I would like to forget what happened the reminder of the day asides talking with the beautiful Rebecca. It was Val’s Day AKA lovers’ Day. I woke up quite early in my boring and lonely room at Kuti Hall, not particularly looking forward to the event of the day considering that my girlfriend and I, had not had a proper conversation in recent times. I got prepared wearing the rather cliché Beat FM red T-shirt. I set out to my mum’s place at Akobo, where I was delayed with my favorite chore , that is cooking. After making my signature fried rice for my family, I set out to meet my girlfriend, who seemed to have an attitude when I called her. To spare you the long boring story, we were supposed to rendezvous at the already dying Mr. Biggs, where I waited for her for about 20 minutes. She finally arrived looking very beautiful as always. I boarded a cab and it prove to be one of the longest ride of our relationship. She did everything possible to avoid having a talk with me, which included having a long conversation with her brother. I wasn’t particularly bothered, so far ,she was not talking with some random guy. We finally arrived at Agodi Gardens and it was a disaster at that point, because things were so tensed between us. The ice began to break, when she saw the VIP treatment we were receiving. To be honest, she is not a materialistic girl, but then who does the good thing of life not affect? We started to have little bonding time, when we got to the pool side. I should have known because she had a soft spot for swimming pools, because swimming was one of her hobbies. That was all we needed, a good pool I mean, we started to talk about various things. Commenting about people and even Ibadan people, as she was fond of making fun of her own people. We capped the whole bonding moment by going for the exhilarating boat ride, where we took a lot of selfies. After the lake ride we proceeded to the zoo and here the funniest thing happened. Her shoe started to act up and stared removing. I thought this was going to wedge a gap between us but funny enough, it was what we needed because we laughed about it and it brought us closer. We decided to cash in on our free dinner quite early because she needed to get home. I was beginning to have fun inspite of having someone else on my mind the whole time. I couldn’t help but imagine how it would have been, with Becka instead, because I knew that it would have been more intimate with the kind of discussions she and I had being having recently. It was not looking like I would kiss my girlfriend, on the popularly acclaimed “Lovers’ Day”. I didn’t push it because I knew how she felt about PDA. Now you would understand why Becka’s craziness freaked me, I was missing on a lot of actions, I would be getting in my normal relationship, but starting this union, I vowed to be responsible. The soiree continued for a while and we talked about different things in the stuffy restaurant, at the end of the day it wasn’t the kind of couples’ day I anticipated, but it didn’t turn out badly according to her. It was finally time to leave and Oyinkan was supposed to meet up with her brother at Mokola, somewhere not too far from the park. It was hard to get an empty cab or bike so we strolled down to the bus-stop and talked about nothing in particular.
I delivered her to her brother safely and it was time to get to the business of the day, or night would be more appropriate. I had a lot to look forward to that night. I was planning something that would determine my success, in my new found line of business. It was a hot new lounge called Apollo’s Lounge at the new mall along high court road. I was working together with the owner to host a buffet to commiserate Valentine’s Day. I had to get rid of the beat FM t-shirt I was wearing and put on something more befitting for the event, so my next destination was my room on campus, where I put on a lovely white shirt and my black Emporio Armani jeans, and my favorite Zanotti sandals, that has fast become my trademark. I had one last stop to make before heading to Apollo’s and that was Awolowo. I was doing one work for a bar/restaurant the previous weeks, prior to that night but I was not motivated because the useless owner and managers cheated me of my money. They did not want to spend money yet wanted to see results, so on Valentine’s Day, when the planned charade, they wanted me to be a part of and I equivocally declined, I went to that area to enjoy seeing their program flop. I was not disappointed because it was exactly what I envisaged. What do you expect when you appoint an aspiring pastor to manage a bar? With the feeling of deep satisfaction, I headed to my next destination which was another new lounge at the infamous Ventura mall. I was trying to while away time, and it was just 9:30pm. I ordered for a couple drinks and then I met yet another person that would later get entangled in the saga involving my phone loss. His name is Wole, apparently he is a car dealer and we made acquaintance by discussing cars and their prices. I finished my drink and found out we were going towards the same direction so I tagged along. We talked about girls, almost throughout the journey and I ended up calling a girl for him, we exchanged numbers on my arrival to my destination and we said our goodbyes. That wasn’t the last I would see him that evening, but hold on, and take a scoop of your popcorn or sip that cold beer or whatever you’re having because it was about to become a wild night!
I entered Apollo’s like a king, the buffet was looking like a success already. People were already settling at their table but Oloye, another act I was managing was nowhere to be found, and he was supposed to serenade these good people with his marvelous and melodious music, trust me, there are not enough adjective in the dictionary to describe how good this guy is, okay maybe I’m exaggerating but the point is that he possessed talent that I was ready to harness. I put a call through to him and he had disheartening news for me, as at that time he was midway to Ibadan from Lagos. There was no way he could make it in time, I urged him to hurry along but drive safely. I felt it was too early for me to settle down at a table, so I decided to explore other bars/clubs and see what was happening in those places. My first stop was Bubble Plus, which was dismally filled with riffraffs, and I couldn’t stand it there and decided to light up a cigarette before heading to my next stop which was Infinti lounge, just across the road from Bubbles. I took long drags of my cigarette out of irritation and haste of leaving for Infiniti, which would be the second time I’d be visiting the Lounge owned by my friend’s brother, Gafo. I finally got to Infiniti and I was disappointed with the turnout, maybe I was too early, I tried to rationalize. All this while, I was texting Becka, I daresay it was so much fun texting her. We could go on for hours not talking about anything in particular. We were like phantom lovers, desperately trying to hang on to a mirage of eternal love, things between us were scarily perfect. It was like the ideal situation I was always quick to dismiss was being shoved in my face by cupid and cupid’s ace was Becka in her full blooming glory of sacred innocence and profane sexiness. My phone's battery decided to snap me out of my reverie, into the reality of an imperfect world where no one did you a favor for free. I could not get anyone to charge my phone, because I wasn’t with my charger and was not flashing bills at them, bloody fuck boys! If only they had charged my phone for me maybe there would be no need for this story but like Victor and I would say, “God knows the best sha” *in K-Switch’s voice*. After smoking about five sticks of cigarette in frustration, I decided to check out what Ebevande, that finally proved to be what my Waterloo looked like. It wasn’t midnight yet, and it was so deserted and to imagine it was packed full by the time I returned there, around four AM. I checked out their menu and it was finally time to return to Apollo’s.
Arriving at Apollo’s I discovered that Oloye had arrived, but like I envisaged, it was too late. We settled at a table, we were treated to a very sumptuous meal. Best grilled fish I ever had in Ibadan, I have to say and a complimentary bottle of wine on the house too. Now that is a man that knows how to do business, and not those stingy fools at the bar at Awolowo, that always feel they are smart. I was beginning to get in the mood to party and just like my date had a mood sensor on my skin, she mysteriously appeared from nowhere. Lol! I’m sure you did not see that one coming. I was expecting a date, a beautiful one that was neither Becka nor Oyinkan, but beautiful nonetheless. Christine or Chidinma, like I prefer to call her ,because I always teased her with that Lil Kesh’s “Aunty Chidinma onidi nla” line, she was a lovely girl, I met through another friend of mine ,Seun, a couple of weeks before this fateful day and just like that song, she had a big bum! I remember telling you how obsessed, I am with a big gluteus Maximus, I always refer to myself as an ass man. That is one of the quickest ways to my heart, of course couple with the girl, being smart and clean, yeah, I’m deep like that. So, back to Chidinma, we hit it off a couple of Fridays ago, when I tripped she and her friends out to club. It was a lovely night that Friday until we got to my estate gate, I realized it was locked around 12AM. It eventually proved to be a blessing in disguise because I found myself sharing a big room with six girls. Maybe it wasn’t so much of a blessing, because I had something going with two girls in the room and wanted to have a go at Chidinma, and as expected, she was initially shy but my signature irresistible massage, quickly split her legs for my long fingers to slip in her, tease her already warm and moist crutch. I teased her a little longer, playing game of thrones with my tongue playing king Joffre on her nipples and succumbed totally like the Starks. I traced down her thick body, with my hungry tongue, that seemed to be on autopilot and circled a tad longer, around her navel, having realized that it gave her immense pleasure. Still on her navel and two of my fingers still tormenting every cranny of her very wet inside, I slid my thumb to massage her very pink clit. She was beginning to get really noisy and I had to employ the use of a pillow. It was a good thing that, the other girls were quite buzzed, having spoiling them with alcohol, so they were deep asleep( or so I thought, until I got funny glances from them in the morning, which made things very awkward). Chidinma was already vibrating, she was about to cum and I was silently praying she wasn’t a squirter. I was nowhere near done with her and she was about to climax, I whispered in her ear, if she was ready for multiple orgasms, but she was too far gone to mumble anything sensible. She finally had her first orgasm and I was thankful she didn’t squirt. I proceeded to giving her, my trademark cunnilingus, eating her with the fury of hurricane Katrina, taking in every drop of her salty-sweet juice. I nibbled softly on her clitoris and she went wild grabbing my head like a vice suffocating me with her thick pussy lips. My erection was not of this world, it was so hard that it felt brittle and I was beginning to fear that it world break. Like a sexual humanitarian that I am, I didn’t care about receiving from her, I just kept on going suctioning, every little drop of her honey. I did everything to that pussy, ate, drank, whistled in it and licked every crevice like a thirsty dog. The foreplay lasted for another hour and within that time she had done justice to my turgid penis. Did I mention that she had cum thrice too within that time, it was finally time to consummate our erotic teases with a beautiful and passionate lovemaking, and believe me, when I say it didn’t fall below expectation. As I slipped in my wet, wet dick into her, she let out a hushed scream and her nails tore into my skin. I started slow and steady, but her pussy was unbelievably tight and comforting that I didn’t know when I started pounding away like a deranged bull. The beauty of the lovemaking that night, was that we both climaxed together, like our hormones synchronized, it was her fourth time of the night and my first time.
Back to Valentine’s Day, you would understand why I was excited to see her again. There were a lot of very bad things, I wanted to do to her that night. As always, she was looking absolutely ravishing even in her rather cliché short red gown. Even with all that sexiness in front of me, I couldn’t help but think of Becka and what she would have worn. How she would have smiled and how we would have made everyone jealous with our intense PDA. Chidinma had to, constantly snap me out of my daydream but it could only go on for so long. I tried to distract myself from Becka by asking Chidinma for a dance, and we had a really long and intimate dance, that I got really horny and was thinking of repeating what happened the last time. As if she sensed this again she started to stroke my cock, while we were still dancing, I slipped my hand up from her thighs hoping to wiggle my fingers through her panties, but to my outmost surprise, it was bare and bald. I was flabbergasted and she gave me a coy smile knowingly even without seeing the shock on my face. I was beginning to believe this girl was psychic or maybe my fingers showed surprise and her pussy, had eyes that relayed imagery to her real eyes. Whatever it was, I just wanted to get the fuck out of there and spank her for being a very bad girl. That should have been quite easy after all, this girl had given me the brightest green light one could ever get, but I felt some guilt, rather surprisingly I felt like I would be cheating on Becka and not even my girlfriend. I was beginning to feel like I was being mind-fucked like Diddy would put it. I felt I was the master of mind-fucking, and I was hoping I was not the only one experiencing this and Becka even felt it in a hundred folds or even a thousand folds. Like a guardian angel she was fast becoming, Becka called me just when I was succumbing to the illogical reasoning of my dick, I now understood why some people were called dickheads, because any decision decided by your penis is bound to be a fatal one. I received the call quite excited with a considerable amount of Remy Martin VSOP, in my system and I’m sure she sensed it. The forty thousand I received was fast depleting but I didn’t care at that moment and that was one major problem I usually had, anytime I got high or tipsy.
Becka enquired to know where I was and I told her but I sensed in her response that she wasn’t comfortable with me being out this late. That was something I loved about her, she was sensitive, caring, sweet and understanding. She didn’t put too much pressure on you to change anything, but she made her concerns quite clear. She is just an absolute angel, a wife material, fifty yards and trust me I’m usually very stingy with my compliments because I’m quite hard to please. She urged me to go home and I would have, maybe with Christine but it was too late already and my estate gate, would be locked and I was not ready to spend extra on a hotel accommodation, and that was the singular biggest mistake I’ve made all year. I should have listened to Becka, I should have just gone to a hotel instead of my next destination which was that bloody fucked up club called Ebevande. I still believe that one of those useless staffs, stole my phone but that’s left to karma to deal with whoever stole it. I spoke with Becka for another thirty minutes saying nothing in particular but really wanted to keep hearing her soothing voice. It seemed to be extracting the alcohol from me or maybe it’s the alcohol writing and mind you, I’m no alcoholic. I just like my vodka martini, shaken not stirred.
The crowd at the lounge was fast thinning out and Chidinma was nowhere to be found. That was easy, I was thankful I did not have extra load to worry about, since I had no intentions of fucking her again that night. Oloye and his friend too had disappeared with the remaining Remy Martin but I was not really bothered, after all I had almost finished it. It was finally time for me to leave and I was already dozing off. I thought about where to go from there, but all pointers directed me to a hotel and with a benefit of hindsight, maybe that was the finally warning, from Providence sending a message through Mother Nature, but I was being pigheaded and that led to my downfall. One needs to understand one’s intuition, not everything can be explained or rationalized. There are just some things that surpasses our logical reasoning and this serves as an inclination of a Supreme Being, ruling the Universe and there was no Big Bang Theory, anywhere ,or the rubbish Evolution Theory, postulated by Darwin. Believers are always tackled by atheist with the concept of evil, if a god actually existed then, why do bad things happen to good people and I almost found myself belonging in this camp just before I started writing this, but midway through, I experienced an epiphany. There were actually signs dropped here and there, warning me about an impending woe but I probably was not spiritual enough, to heed these things. Maybe if I was a bit more prayerful, I would have gotten picked up, at least something or better still, not even be staying out late because I would have to get back home in time for Isiah which was the 8PM evening prayer for Muslims. Like one of my favorite sayings “shit happens and shit fades” , so am I now more religious? Heck no! maybe more spiritual, I mean people often mistake religion with spirituality and it fazes me how these so called religious people are often caught doing bad things and still find ways to justify it. I’m not saying I’m any better being a spiritual person, or neither am I an angel but the concept of religion has been misconstrued and I don’t know who should take the blame. Is it the missionaries that forced this alien concept on us ,with selfish intents or us for being bloody hypocrites? Whomsoever ever takes the blame, doesn’t matter, I would like to get back to my story and not bore you with religion, philosophy and spirituality.
I left Apollo’s a little buzzed and tired and I was trying to figure out my next destination, because I couldn’t go to a hotel like I earlier stated and neither could I go home nor to school. Then I remembered Wole Yankee, yeah that was how I saved his number. I had enough battery strength to dig out his number from my tablet and dialled with my small but dependable phone. Thankfully his phone rang and he answered, the background noise at his end was quite much but I was able to make out “I dey Ebevande”. I was disappointed, I was hoping he was at home and foolishly deceived myself that he would have come to pick me. Fucked up was the only way I could describe the way my night was turning out to be, and I desperately wanted it to be dawn. I was in front of the palm mall for a while because it was quite late and bikes were scarce. By that time, I wondered why the mall was called 'The Palms', because I didn’t see any palm trees in sight and neither was it close to the beach. Ibadan people are very funny, I mused, but I didn’t want it to be just a coincidence that it bared the same name as the infamous mall in the 'V.I – Lekki area' in Lagos. I concluded within me that it was probably owned by the same company or owner and to a mental note to check it out which I am yet to do.
Around 3:30AM I finally got a bike to take me to that stupid club which funny enough inspired all these. The loss of my phones inspired a sober reflection and has made me somewhat a better person or better still work in progress. I got to the club and spotted Wole, almost immediately, of that wouldn’t have been hard because, he is a big person and I mean that literally. We exchanged pleasantries and it was straight to drinking business. I should have taken just cranberry juice and smoked but, mba! I was being too greedy. I loved my liquor too much and Hennessey was one of my favorites. We drank and talked about mundane things, as usual and I was beginning to feel alive again but little did I know it was the beginning of the end of my precious phone. The night was going well, the disc jockey was spinning great jams and I found myself dancing. The disadvantage of owning an eight inch tablet was it hindered a lot of movement on the dance floor. As you know dancing involves a lot of movement of every part of your body especially the hands and legs. Good dancers would know this and even though I know the theory of a lot of things, I suck at the practical. I really wish I could translate a lot of things, the way I envision in my mind, if so I would have been a genius ,because as a Piscean, there are many things I can dream of in my mind or head or whatever part of one’s consciousness responsible for these imagery. When I close my eyes or even when I widely awake, different dance sequences, go through my head that if I could interpret or translate into real life sequences I would make a lot of money as a professional dancer, but that is not the case. Most times except for rare occasions like that morning when I’m quite buzzed, I always sit and admire or make fun of other dancers as the case may be. Well, this morning I was in the dancing mood and I made acquaintance of a beautiful young woman of easy virtue called Oluwaseyi. She was very interested in dancing with me and I didn’t disappoint. I grabbed her waist like we’ve been fucking for a while and grooved to the good but loud music, blaring out of the speaker. I sensed she loved my firm grip and enjoyed my hard member rubbing against her lower back, I know right she’s quite short. We danced to a couple more songs and I have to say my dance game was surprisingly good, not too much of a surprise though, after all I usually dance well when I’m that high but not that well.
After the dance we both returned to our seat and I was so exhausted, now it begins to dawn on me that it probably wasn’t the liquor that knocked me out, the dance might have been the main culprit here. If I had saved the energy I expended on the dance and drank my Henny religiously, just maybe I would be typing a different story on my tab, but all this is just speculation. I always recanted ending this story quite differently, to everyone but I’m going to be truthful this time around and you can be sure that this part of the story is not fiction. In three words “I slept off”. That’s right, all these fun ended with the inevitable force of nature called sleep. Sleep, the cousin of death. A sibling of death from another mother, death with benefit or one can say sleep is death’s side chic. Sleep snatched my precious gem from me, into a dreamland that can’t be retrieved. Still feels like a dream to me, I still think DiCaprio is playing some inception trick on me and that I will die in the dream and snap back into reality still at Ebevande with my tab and iPhone, in my laps but that’s just my desperate optimist side showing. If you believe in a 'Supreme Being or God' as He is popularly known, then you would appreciate the immense strength He possesses,if He never sleeps nor slumber. The world has been in existence for billions of years and he has not even bated an eyelid or nodded off or taken a nap. A naïve me used to think, the sun was God’s eyes, and when He took a nap at night the light from His eyes dimmed, until I started doing geography and came across the concept of time zones which baffled me. If the sun was God’s eyes then how come some parts of the world still had sunlight when it was night over here? Damn! God is so great! Allahu Akbar! I wonder why some people would be so blind to see that there is really a mystique figure someplace, in the Universe controlling every little, intricate detail of our existence and whatever knowledge we feel we possess could be taken from us, with the snap of a finger or wave of a wand or whatever God uses.
Back to my story, I slept off for about thirty minutes and that was enough time for the evil to be perpetuated. I woke up to find an empty table. Even my bottle of Henny and a half filled glass was missing. I checked my side where the phone was placed, and it had grown legs and walked out on its very caring and possessive owner, like the stupid staff wanted me to believe. Oluwaseyi was nowhere in sight too and neither were her company. The club was practically empty except for two obviously tipsy girls doing karaoke and the waiters moving busily around clearing the table. I was furious, my highness disappeared immediately and I was scared at the same time. I was hoping someone would tell me that they helped me keep my phones. I dialled the numbers, hoping that it would still be on and thankfully it was, but it was only on one percent battery life, and went off after a few dials, the phone was on silent mode anyway. Thinking back to that day, I feel I should have checked the toilet just maybe I sleep walked to the toilet and forgot it there. It has happened to me a couple of times in the past, when I would drink a lot especially mixing my alcohol, like I had done on that Valentine’s Day.
One time back in OAU, I was at a bonfire send forth party with my girlfriend at the time, at Fajuyi Hall's Man O’War ground, when I suddenly woke up to find myself deep in the bush. Just before then, I was in New Buka with my friends and girlfriend having a couple of drinks. I was having red wine and after one liter, I showed no sign of stopping, at the end of the evening, I had finished two and a half liters of Don Simon's Vino Tinto and I was in a party mood. My girlfriend was a bit tipsy too and we headed for Fajuyi hall or Faj like it is popularly known. We arrived at the venue a couple of minutes past midnight, and I bought a bottle of my favorite beer, small stout by the great Arthur Guinness. Two bottles down, and a series of intimate dance sessions and making out, I got tired. I decided to lay on the grass and rest and handed my girlfriend over to a friend to dance with. I awoke, God knows how long later, to find myself roaming in the bush, I thought things like this only happened in the movies. Thankfully I was with my phone so I dialled, my friend’s number and he guided me back to human civilization. When I was asked how I got there I looked like a fool, when I told them that I just woke up in the bush, walking around, it was as though someone hypnotized me with voodoo and controlled me because my girlfriend said, I just disappeared. One minute I was lying there seemingly lifeless and the next I had disappeared into oblivion and claimed she was worried. My friends found it hard to believe me, until something similar happened months later and they were able to witness it, in fact I had to be slapped back into reality on that occasion.
To be continued...
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